Impressions
A wealthy man commissioned Pablo Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the final canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."
When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.
Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"
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Ipresiones
Un hombre rico, comisiono a Pablo Picasso para pintar un retrato de su esposa.
Sorprendido por la no reprentacion en la imagen del retrato, la esposa se quejo
" yo no me veo asi"
Cuando el pintor le pregunto como ella se veia realmente, el hombre produjo una foto de su billetera.
Devolviendo la foto, Pablo obsevo..." Chica, es ella no?
Saturday, February 26, 2011
OLD MASERATI --VIEJO MASERATI
Old Maserati
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."
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Viejo Maserati
Yo vivia en las montañas arriba de Denver, cuando mi compañero de universidad
Gary llego en su viejo Maserati, el habia manejado desde Ohio y cuando llego a mi casa el auto se paro.
Llamadas a diferentes locales, fueron inutiles, nadie tenia repuestos para ese auto tan viejo.
Al final llamamos a otro mecanico y le preguntamos si tenia algo para un Maserati 1962
Hubo una larga pausa. Finalmente Victor, tosio y dijo " Si, tengo aceite.
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."
----------------------
Viejo Maserati
Yo vivia en las montañas arriba de Denver, cuando mi compañero de universidad
Gary llego en su viejo Maserati, el habia manejado desde Ohio y cuando llego a mi casa el auto se paro.
Llamadas a diferentes locales, fueron inutiles, nadie tenia repuestos para ese auto tan viejo.
Al final llamamos a otro mecanico y le preguntamos si tenia algo para un Maserati 1962
Hubo una larga pausa. Finalmente Victor, tosio y dijo " Si, tengo aceite.
TYDY HOUSEKEEPER?-AMA DE CASA ORDENADA?
Tidy Housekeeper?
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
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Ama de casa ordenada?
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
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Ama de casa ordenada?
La novia era otra cosa que un ama de casa ordenada. No le importaba mucho hasta que una tarde cuando su marido la llamo desde el corredor un poco preocupado. " Cariño, que paso con el polvo en esta mesa? Tenia un telefono escrito en el"
FOUR LETTER SURGERY- CUATRO LETRAS CIRUGIA
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm okay but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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Jerry se recuperaba despues de su cirugia cuando una enfermera le pregunto como se sentia.
" yo estoy bien, pero no me gusto la palabra de cuatro letras que uso el doctor en mi cirugia" contesto.
" Y que fue lo que dijo" pregunto la enfermera
" OOOPS!"
"I'm okay but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
----------------
Jerry se recuperaba despues de su cirugia cuando una enfermera le pregunto como se sentia.
" yo estoy bien, pero no me gusto la palabra de cuatro letras que uso el doctor en mi cirugia" contesto.
" Y que fue lo que dijo" pregunto la enfermera
" OOOPS!"
Monday, November 29, 2010
PRESIDENT MANURE-PRESIDENTE ESTIERCOL
President's "Manure"
Harry Truman, when he was U.S President, once addressed the Washington Garden Club and kept referring to 'good manure' that must be used on flowers.
Some society ladies complained (later) to the First Lady Margaret Truman,
"Bess, can't you get the President to say fertilizer instead of manure?"
The First Lady replied, "Heavens, it took me 25 years to get him to say 'manure'."
--------------------------
El presidente Estiercol
Harry Truman, cuando era presidente de EEUU hablo frente al Club de Jardines de Washington DC y repitio mucho acerca del " buen estiercol" que se debe usar en las flores.
Algunas damas de sociedad, se quejaron ( mas tarde ) con la primera dama Margaret Truman.
" Bess, podrias conseguir que el presidente diga fertilizante en vez de estiercol?
Y la primera dama respondio " Y lo que me costo, casi 25 años para que dijera "estiercol"
Harry Truman, when he was U.S President, once addressed the Washington Garden Club and kept referring to 'good manure' that must be used on flowers.
Some society ladies complained (later) to the First Lady Margaret Truman,
"Bess, can't you get the President to say fertilizer instead of manure?"
The First Lady replied, "Heavens, it took me 25 years to get him to say 'manure'."
--------------------------
El presidente Estiercol
Harry Truman, cuando era presidente de EEUU hablo frente al Club de Jardines de Washington DC y repitio mucho acerca del " buen estiercol" que se debe usar en las flores.
Algunas damas de sociedad, se quejaron ( mas tarde ) con la primera dama Margaret Truman.
" Bess, podrias conseguir que el presidente diga fertilizante en vez de estiercol?
Y la primera dama respondio " Y lo que me costo, casi 25 años para que dijera "estiercol"
LATE FOR WORK--TARDE A TRABAJAR
Late for Work
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M., on the dot.
He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him,
"I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway.
Nearly killed myself."
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you an entire hour?"
---------------------------
Tarde a trabajar
Por 30 años, Parras habia llegado puntualmente a las 9 de la mañana.
Nunca falto un dia y nunca llego tarde.
Consequentemente cuando una mañana no aparecio a la hora habitual, causo conmocion en la oficina.
El jefe mirando el reloj se paseaba por el corredor esperandolo.
Al fin a las 10 de la mañana aparecio Parras , cojeando, con un ojo morado, todo masgullado y los anteojos quebrados.
Me cai dos escaleras en el metro, anuncio a su jefe.
Y el jefe le respondio
" Y te demoraste una hora en caerte de las escaleras"
For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M., on the dot.
He had never missed a day and was never late.
Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation.
All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.
Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.
He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him,
"I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway.
Nearly killed myself."
The boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you an entire hour?"
---------------------------
Tarde a trabajar
Por 30 años, Parras habia llegado puntualmente a las 9 de la mañana.
Nunca falto un dia y nunca llego tarde.
Consequentemente cuando una mañana no aparecio a la hora habitual, causo conmocion en la oficina.
El jefe mirando el reloj se paseaba por el corredor esperandolo.
Al fin a las 10 de la mañana aparecio Parras , cojeando, con un ojo morado, todo masgullado y los anteojos quebrados.
Me cai dos escaleras en el metro, anuncio a su jefe.
Y el jefe le respondio
" Y te demoraste una hora en caerte de las escaleras"
HEADACHE CURE- CURA PARA DOLOR DE CABEZA
Headache cure
When my physician said that my headaches were caused by tension in my neck and shoulders, I looked around for a product that would relax those muscles.
The perfect solution seemed to be a neck wrap that was designed to be cooled in the freezer or heated in the microwave.
Luckily for me, the product had clear and concise instructions, including the following:
"Warning--do not microwave while on body."
--------------------------------
Cura para el dolor de cabeza
Cuando mi doctor dijo que mis dolores de cabeza eran causados por tension en mi cuello y hombros, yo busque un producto que pudiera relajar esos musculos.
La solucion perfecta parecia ser una envoltura de cuello, que estaba diseñada para enfriarse en el refrigerador y calentarse en el microndas.
Por suerte venia con claras direcciones, incluyendo esta[
" Atencion--- no lo meta al microndas mientras lo tenga puesto.
When my physician said that my headaches were caused by tension in my neck and shoulders, I looked around for a product that would relax those muscles.
The perfect solution seemed to be a neck wrap that was designed to be cooled in the freezer or heated in the microwave.
Luckily for me, the product had clear and concise instructions, including the following:
"Warning--do not microwave while on body."
--------------------------------
Cura para el dolor de cabeza
Cuando mi doctor dijo que mis dolores de cabeza eran causados por tension en mi cuello y hombros, yo busque un producto que pudiera relajar esos musculos.
La solucion perfecta parecia ser una envoltura de cuello, que estaba diseñada para enfriarse en el refrigerador y calentarse en el microndas.
Por suerte venia con claras direcciones, incluyendo esta[
" Atencion--- no lo meta al microndas mientras lo tenga puesto.
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